When considering placing your child for adoption you will need to address the following seven common myths about adoption that birth mothers struggle with. Replacing the myths with correct information will help you decide what is best for you and your child.
You may think that if you consider adoption for your child, you are a cold, uncaring, selfish person. Maybe you’re afraid others will think you don’t love your child. In fact, women who make adoption plans for their children are among the most courageous because they put their child’s needs first. You may speak to birth mothers who have already placed a child for adoption and struggled with this issue. You will see how much they love their child. Allowing your child to be born, rather than choosing abortion, is a loving choice. Choosing to place your child with a family that can provide a stable, loving home is an act of love and sacrifice, not an act of abandonment.
You may think that you will never know anything about your child’s future life if you choose adoption. But today sharing information is very common. As the birth parent, you can help to develop an adoption plan that has the degree of openness you want from pictures, letters, or videos to in some cases open adoptions.
Perhaps you’re ruling out adoption because you think you have an obligation to parent this unplanned child. Remember, just because you got pregnant does not mean that you are ready to be a parent. And even if you aren’t able to be a parent at this time in your life, you are still a good person and may be a wonderful parent when you are older or in a different situation.
If you believe you should forget about your child when you choose adoption, your decision will be very hard to live with. If you make an adoption plan for your child, you will not forget and will not want to forget your child. You will want to live without being emotionally crippled by your loss. You will want to remember your pregnancy, your baby’s birth, and those precious hours shared with your child in the hospital. Remember, you’ll feel that you made the most loving, mature, and selfless decision possible, given your circumstances. Remember too, that when the child reaches age 18, it’s up to the child if he or she will want to have a relationship with you. Our adopting parents will always tell the child how wonderful you are and what a wonderful act of love it was to place the child with them.
Some birth mothers are afraid that if they choose adoption they will have regrets or never be happy again. When you recognize such fear is caused by a misunderstanding about adoption, you don’t have to worry anymore. Your regrets over losing your child can be painful, but knowing that you selected the right adopting parents and the child is doing well usually prevails. Remember the adopting parents will not interfere with you two having a relationship after he or she becomes of age.
Studies show that children benefit from having good, nurturing parents who can provide both positive father and mother role models. Two-parent families – where fathers take their responsibilities seriously and parents support each other – can be vital to a healthy childhood and strong family. Relationships, self-esteem, and achievement all can be positively affected when a child is able to grow up in a two-parent, loving home.
Adopting parents will love their child as fully and selflessly as biological parents. Good parenting is a matter of unconditional love and acceptance and consistently nurturing and caring in a way that puts the needs of the child first. Adopting parents love their children as much as if they had given birth to them. When you meet the parents and get to know them, in most cases you will wish that they could also adopt you.